i've always felt so profoundly weird about languages. there's really the typical stuff that are more normalized than when i was growing up:
however... a new lightbulb about language went off in my head about a month ago. i went to get coffee with someone in downtown (the loop for my chicago friends) chicago, in which i communicated to a migrant family in spanish. they seemed profoundly grateful not only of the items i gave, but really of the language ability. at this point, multiple migrants that i have interacted with have mentioned i'm the only person that has talked to them in spanish all day. let's be really clear - i am not fluent in spanish by any means. i also realize the idea of fluency is not only topic based (example above - i can't talk about environmental policy in chinese but i can definitely help you at a restaurant or talk to my dad) BUT ALSO the concept of fluency is really geographically based. maybe you knew this but i definitely DID NOT. i realized - in chicago, i am a lot less ashamed of what spanish and chinese i can and can't say. back in los angeles? my spanish is embarassing. back in the bay area? my chinese is something people have explicitly laughed at. but in chicago, i feel like i have some budding superpowers i've never truly felt before. so if my confidence is so contexual, what does being multilingual even mean for anyone?
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