Conflicted about my Black/White thinking

There have been a ton of descriptors about who I am. I'm not hard to figure out, my personality shows pretty quickly. I'm oftentimes described as passionate, intense, intimidating (at first), and authoritative. It makes me cringe.

I rarely consider these words as words with positive connotations, especially as a woman. As an Asian American woman, sometimes it feels that people are surprised I have a personality. If you didn't know, Asian American women being labeled as docile and submissive is a whole thing.

I've also been described as a person who has black and white thinking. It's also known as binary thinking, dichotomous thinking, etc. Funny enough, I talk about the dangers of not thinking in a spectrum, while fully acknowledging that I.. struggle to think in a spectrum.

So what is black and white thinking? I think in terms of absolutes, and quickly more often than not. People who struggle with black and white thinking are seen as people who struggle with change, can be temperamental, and sometimes even deny that life is complex and uncertain. 

Yikes. None of this sounds good. My god, it's even on WebMD. And I'm a part of all this?!

My therapist also told me that my black and white thinking is associated with moral grounding... and I am starting to feel relieved. More relieved than I have felt in all of this pandemic so far. I'm also a pretty sensitive person, I wear emotions on my face, I am just generally emotive and my heartstrings get pulled easily. Anyways, I'm not trying to promote black and white thinking, but hear me out for a second here. I really do think of virtually everything in terms of morals.

• I do think that when/how you ghost someone says something about your ability to tackle conflict.
• I do think that how you treat children says something about your ability to see all people with dignity.
• I do think that someone wanting to be in a "safe neighborhood" says a lot about views about race, gender, etc. 
• What you choose to do or not do says a lot about the way you think, and where your moral compass lies.

and the list keeps going.

I want to acknowledge there's a lot of nuance here. Feeling safe has a lot to do with identity, exposure, experiences, etc. Being able to tackle conflict might have a lot to do with being in a stable or unstable home life growing up. But I do personally have a lot of clarity about why I am the way I am. I care about having good people in the world, I crave care and connection, and I don't want to feel like I get caught in a lie when I get to know people. So then I judge and think in black/white terms. 

I don't really know what it means to "fix this" or "fix myself", but I do feel a lot of relief in having clarity. I really do want people (and myself) to have strong moral grounding. And I'm allowed, at least to some degree, to believe that what we say, do, or not do/say says something deeper about all of us.